Life is but a dream: An Uncomfortable Visit and Other Anxious Situations

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

An Uncomfortable Visit and Other Anxious Situations

4/29/2008
Dream 2

I go out to visit my former riding instructor at her farm, it's rather awkward. We are standing in the barn and I am staring at the side of her face very closely and this is making her uncomfortable and she asks what I am doing. Later I return to my parent's house and go into the FH. When I get upstairs there's some mail on one of the desks. When I look at it I see it is SAT scores and I think they are my brother's. But then, I see my name on them, with my middle name as "TEST" and I groan, there has been some kind of mistake and the wrong name is written in on his tests, so they won't be valid. I sit down on a couch or somewhere (it's not clear in my memory) and realize it has cat pee on it. I despair becuase this means my cat is peeing on stuff again, which I thought was cured, and my husband is going to want to get rid of him, which is depressing. Then a person comes in, who I don't know. He is some kind of investigator. I'm surprised to see him there, but not bothered. He asks me if I've seen a suspicious person around, who looks like John Travolta. I confirm that I have not. I look out the window at the field, it has started snowing lightly. As I watch some of the snowflakes gather into a small swarm like a swarm of insects, which seems strange.

I did go to visit her recently but the weird awkwardness and anxiety which often seems to accompany meetings with her in dreams wasn't there... maybe something leftover from my childhood?

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I have always been fascinated by this other, intangible world into which we retreat, the reality and origins of which are so unknown, so mysterious. It is like a portal into which you can pass into another dimension, a mysterious forest you can ride through to reach Babylon, a lost valley of Brigadoon that comes almost every night, not every 100 years.

Linear time and space are twisted here, analogy is rife but sometimes indecipherable, action often skips to action with many of the boring spots removed, like a fast-paced movie. Feelings and senses are intensified, yet in some ways protected. Although there is no limit to exploration, it is yet not a place where you can choose to do anything you like... you are constrained by certain rules and limits which surely must be self-imposed (we assume, since we imagine we are the only "real" person in this world) but if so, why can we not mold them? This is so similar to the perspective of the waking world that it tests the very nature of reality. And though certain things are clearly connected to or inspired by the waking world, (and perhaps vice versa), there are also those elements, even people and places, which exist only in the dream life... where did they come from?

I know when I write down my dreams I tend to remember more of them, so I choose to do that again now, for better or for worse.

Only in my dreams...

In addition to the dream life being inhabited by persons, places, and memories that don't exist in the walking world, I also sometimes encounter, use and understand words in my dreams that don't exist in the waking world, and maybe they should. Here are some that I both remembered the word and meaning of it upon awakening:

Artigate: verb. To show an idea through means of art, often combined media. For example, a movie might use a scene with with the sun rising and music swelling to indicate to the viewer that a character has died. My sister used this in a dream when talking to me.

Carules: noun (plural). This means something like "love points," all the energy and resources that you use to demonstrate or show love. My cousin and I used this in a conversation in this dream, where he asked hypothetically if I how I would spend 1000 carules (not as in money, as in energy/effort) if I had that many, to show someone that I care for them more than anything in the world. 1000 was an extremely large amount to have, people would not really have that many.