Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Long gap...
I stopped writing down my dreams for a while because I was having a lot of disturbing dreams/nightmares that I didn't want to remember, and when I write my dreams, it helps me remember them (and also helps me remember the next dream more clearly). Lots of stress and life changes. I started again because I had one that was significant feeling and comforting, and I want to try to start them again. I still remember bits and pieces of dreams (both good and bad) from the gap time, but I don't know if I will record them after the fact or not.
Getting A Man At The Mall
Tuesday night/Wednesday morning's dream - 3/16/2011
I don't remember the earlier part of this dream, but somehow I ended up going to a mall. It wasn't a mall I know in real life, it might even have been in a different city. It was evening. I was carrying my son with me. I met S- there, who I haven't seen in a long time (the time period was current or slightly in the future, so I really haven't). What I can't remember now is if we were intentionally meeting there, or if I knew he was going to be there so I went there. At any rate, I knew he was going to be there and I wasn't surprised to see him, but rather I was looking for him and looking forward to it nervously.
Initially I went in to the mall and went to some different stores, and then I went to this counter where you could renew your passport or book travel tickets. Possibly, you could also get visa stamps there. I think the first time I saw him was around there, he was coming away from the counter. I was looking for him to be somewhere, I'd already been at the mall for a while basically just wandering around passing the time until I met him. I went to him immediately and hugged him, like when I said goodbye the last time I saw him in real life. He hugged me back but I got the feeling that I was hugging longer than he intended and he might be uncomfortable, by the time I broke away. We chatted and caught up. He had just returned from a trip visiting his family back home in J-. His trip came out through Lebanon and apparently this is why he was visiting this travel counter. Also he was planning another trip there soon. He chatted a little bit catching me up on his family, etc, his brother's recent marriage and child, and so forth, and then he went off to do something in another part of the mall that he had been on his way to. I hung around the area and went to some nearby stores, then I saw him again at the travel counter and I went there myself ( to run into him). I said, I was also planning a vacation in Lebanon soon myself, and we talked some more at the counter. I got my passport stamped or something for my trip. It seems I came up with this on the spur of the moment, because in my head, I was making plans at that time how I could request a week off work in a week or two, and actually take the trip, to make it coincide. I could actually do this, I thought, and decided to just then. We talked about going together since we would be there at the same time. Most of this time I was thinking in my head vs. paying attention to what we were actually saying, so I don't really remember most of the conversations but there was a lot of "hanging out chatting" type of conversation, and another half hug at my departure. After I was done with my activities at the ticket counter, they were still working on his, so I didn't have any clear reason to keep hanging around, though I still wanted to spend time with him. So I drifted to the next door store, hoping he would catch up with me again when he got done, though we hadn't specifically made this arrangement. A number of the stores in this mall weren't separated fully into their own entities like in a regular mall, they were more like separate rooms without doors between them, so the transitions between them were a bit odd.
The store I went into next was a bookstore or some kind (next to the travel counter). I looked along a shelf of calendars, they had different themes of different kinds of animals and bugs, then I started looking at a shelf of Anno books for my son. They had Anno's Animals (a very large version, like a supersized version) and then they had another one I'd never seen before which was called Anno's String Games or something similar, and it had a black and white illustration on each page with trees and such, and a person doing some kind of cat's cradle design. There were no words (as typical with Anno books) and no instructions, so it was hard to tell how you were actually supposed to make each design. I was curious about the book flipping through it but decided not to get it for that reason.
While I was flipping through this book, S- came into the bookstore having finished with his travel arrangements, but he saw somebody in the bookstore, a friend or relative who had been browsing, and went over to talk to him (it wasn't somebody I knew, though I'd observed him in the store). It was one of his relatives he'd just seen on his trip back home. In their brief comments (overheard) I realized that when the guy had been at the family get together back home, he let other people there think that he was gay or something as he was not in a relationship, but actually he was involved with (or possibly married to) this girl, who he introduced now to S-. She was a cute American girl with a short blond bob. He was really happy to introduce her to S- and S- was very happy for him and it seemed that the fact that he was with this girl was a big breakthrough in the family dynamics. I gather that some people in the family knew they were together but he hadn't made it evident when S- had last seen him back home.
This news made S- really happy. I knew it was because of me, it was like his cousin being with this girl opened up new possibilities for him or meant the family had decided it was allowable. He came over behind me where I was standing and hugged me from behind really enthusiastically, laughing and happy, to the point that he picked me up around the waist and I lifted my feet off the ground. Still hugging me like this, he whispered very quietly "I love you" in my ear. I was very emotional and happy. I whispered that I love him too, and lifted up his hand to my mouth, kissing it twice just barely, not sure if this was too much. He led me over to the cousin and his wife/girlfriend and introduced me. My mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and I was walking on air. Then, he raced out the back with me (there was an exit from the mall in that store which opened out through glass doors to the back parking lot). I wasn't sure where we were going exactly. I was very happy, but I did have some fleeting thoughts about the past reasons we hadn't been together, but I was too happy to wonder about them too much. We stopped just outside the doors. He wanted to go tell his mother (and possibly other family members) who were parked at the other end of the lot, I said I have to get my stuff, (my son was still inside with the cousin, and my other things) so I stopped at the exit, and he ran off across the lot bounding with excitement. I went to go back in the doors, but I spilled something on two mats outside the entrance, they were like placemats or small rugs that had been on the ground, that were mostly white, and whatever I spilled on them was some kind of food that stained orange, like spaghetti sauce. So I knelt down to clean this up. I could see at the other end of the darkened lot (which had floodlights like a typical mall parking lot, only we were behind the building not in the main lot), he met a woman (his mother) and was talking to her. Pretty soon he ran back to meet me. He asked what I was doing and if I was ready and I explained that I had started to go back in but then I messed up the rugs, holding them up (my attempts to remove the stain hadn't succeeded, just spread it around). He replied "messed on the rugs!" with an expression of fake alarm/grossed out and we both laughed. I said it this way knowing it would sound funny and he would react like that because it was funny and I wanted to see his silly expression, making fun of me like I remembered. It was still fun to be goofy although I was so painfully happy, maybe lightening the all the emotions a bit by both of us laughing. We went in together to collect my son and my things, then I woke up.
Labels: book, love, romance, shopping, significant guy
Monday, September 22, 2008
Bad Ferry Trip
In the last dream of the night, I was getting on a ferry boat of some kind to go on a tour of a city. My family was also going. I was left behind and when it came time to disembark onto some kind of floating island in the harbor, I saw them leaving but was far from the exit. I called but they didn't hear me and left. I somehow managed to get onto the floating island after everybody else, but the others were already loading into a boat to take them to the mainland city for the tour. I yelled after them and they saw I was left behind but they didn't wait or come back. The boat left without me. I had to get back on the ferry, but the passengers weren't supposed to be on it (they should have left for the tour) so I sort of stayed out of sight. I yelled after my family that I would just have to jump in the water then if they wouldn't wait for me, to no effect. I ended up jumping in the water and decided to swim back the way we came, knowing I wouldn't be able to swim that far.
Labels: boat, left behind, trip, water
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Mountains and Monsters
Mt Hood was erupting throughout the dream. At first we set off down I- road on this long walking hike, and we could see the smoke coming from the top of the mountain (despite the fact that you can't actually see it from there). Then I saw a peculiar flurry of white in the sky near the mountain, like a gigantic monster taller than the hills moved, with snow on its shoulders. It turned out to be just that and it was stalking around, quite enormous. We traveled out to the mountain and were walking along mountain trails. At one point we came to a river which had a log accross it that people were crossing. When I went to cross I came up to an old woman who was also on the log. She said she would let me by and then without warning jumped into the river (to allow me to pass) I was aghast and fell off the other side of the log (but a much shorter distance, onto the bank. She climbed out of the water and was okay, but I was still feeling shocked and guilty. I had to explain what had happened to my family. Later the mountain started to erupt in earnest and I was packing some things to evacuate with my family. I may have had my baby at that time. I also had my cat A- but my other cat was not in the dream and I was concerned about this, wondering if something had happened to her (it was like I landed in the dream and didn't know what had happened in the recent past in my life... had something happened to my other cat that I didn't know about but everybody else knew about?).
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Detached Legs?
9/6/2008 - Last night's dream
Warning... this is a little gross
Last night's dream was fairly complex but I don't remember most of it... the part I do remember is this. I was at my grandma's house visiting. I went into the kitchen where the washing machine and dryer normally are and instead, there were my legs! How they became separated from me I don't know, they were stacked up against the wall (I have no idea what I was standing on in the meantime). There were two but they looked like the same one! I started to examine them and I noticed that one looked like a slightly older version of the other one, rather than being different as legs normally are. I couldn't tell if one of them was left and the other was right. They both had the same marks and scratches, but on one of them the scratches were slightly more healed. I looked at the top leg and it had a thing like a pimple, but as it turned out as I examined it, there was something in it! It was (ugh) a botfly larvae. I picked and squeezed it out and removed it, alive. It was fairly disgusting, though quite small. On the other leg the same mark was there but it was smaller and looked like it was healing, like it had already been removed.
Labels: bugs, disgusting/creepy
Friday, September 5, 2008
Moving Twice
Last night's dream
This was one of those long and stressful dreams, but this time the theme was moving. Which is indeed long and stressful and I hope I will not have to do again for a long time. I had to move twice in the dream, both on very short notice and both times to get away from my estranged husband. The first time I moved into this new place which was okay, it was on an upper story. It took forever to pack and cart everything from the old place to the new place. We were hurrying because he was going to come back and interfere and I didn't' want him to find out I was escaping or where I was going to. It took forever and I was totally exhausted. Then he showed up, and I had to move again. This time for some reason he was actually helping move although I was running away from him. The new place I found on very short notice was a peculiar little apartment at the very top of an old building. It had a dangerous looking internal staircase wrapping around (but not a spiral, squared) and it looked like it would be easy to fall down it. I was somewhat concerned about this especially in my condition. The rest of it was kind of funky and oddly put together but I decided it would be interesting and work well enough. It looked out onto a horse paddock. I discovered that it was owned by my old riding instructor! We met up breifly and I decided to get it, and set about tryign to get moved in as quickly as possible and get away from my husband again. The whole dream was very rushed and stressed and exhausting, definitly a stress dream.